sad face  / Tara (Friend)
Seriously, coming to this site strikes my heart everytime.  As soon as I hear the song, and see the photos of you flashing before my eyes, my denial becomes a reality.  I don't like nor want to deal with it Michael.  How can this have REALLY happened?  I am definitely in denial that you are no longer here with us, Its like you just moved away or something.  I wish this was just some sick joke, and that I could call you up on the phone and talk to you, or give you one last hug.  
I hate reality.

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Changes... / Tara Friend
It is so weird how everything changes.  Like everything we went through now that your gone, I wish it wasn't such a secret.  I wish more people knew the friendship we shared after our time together.  You may not have been the one for me Michael, but you were always a great friend to me. From good times, to bad, me pissing you off, and you pissing me off too! Everything just changes, and I hate being left here to defend anything.  Personally, I think it is crap, I shouldn't have to. 
I guess I just wish people would realize, and understand, but it's been a year and still nothing yet so it is what it is.
I miss you and I know you would be so excited that I am buying a house out here.
I didn't get to make it out there because of work , but I know that you understand, I tried to get the day and everything but it just didn't work out, so I did my own thing here because I do remember you, I do miss you with each and every passing day and no matter what anyone says, it doesn't change the fact that we were good friends, I mean you even told me and Kristin that we were like your sisters.  Just because things don't always work out and there are fights involved, doesn't change the love in my heart for you Mike, I will scream it for everyone to hear because you were a part of my life, we shared so much and we were definitely better friends then we were lovers thats for sure...but ya know what Mike?  I wouldn't trade anything we went through in the world, it made us stronger as people.  I miss you Mike!  And  I know that even though I wasn't there, you understand, and you saw all that I did for you that day...
Its still so hard to say goodbye...
<img src="http://a197.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/82/l_742c58c547e2dce9b706e8f1a0c9b964.jpg">
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September 24, 2007 (1 year)  / Gay Mike (friend/exroommate)
Hey Mike,
    Well it's been a year already, it went by so fast and still to this very day, the pain is still there...it's gonna be there for a long time to come...I've been trying to keep in contact with grandma to check up on everything and everyone...I tried calling her earlier but she didn't answer, she has a lot on her mind today...You just don't understand how many people miss you and how many people are hurting b/c you are gone...it's like a picture that u were torn out of...u might not be in the picture anymore but you will always be there in our hearts...I wrote a letter to ur family which u knew as "the clan" that i'm gonna put in the mail tomorrow...I put a picture of the lighthouse in my back yard...I hope that ur mom or grandma puts it at ur grave for you b/c i know you would love it as much as i do...I remember sitting on the couch watching tv with you and going through the channels, if you saw a lighthouse, you yelled at me to turn it back so you can sit it...I still to this very day watch "The Grind" b/c it was your favorite movie...Also in honor of you, last night at the bar I work at my co-workers and customers agreed to have a screwdriver shot and a moment of silence at midnight for you...as the clock hit 12:00 am on September 24, 2007, James the DJ stopped the music and everyone got quiet for 10 seconds and then everyone took their shot...I'm so thankful that I'm meeting friends down here but none of them compare to you...everyone down here are kind of snobby, they don't do dumb things like u did...which is what I miss...I love all the dumb things you did, it always made me laugh...whenever something was bothering me, you knew how to put a smile on my face...even if u weren't trying to cheer me up, just the things you said made me laugh lol...I still tell everyone how u knocked the ornaments off our christmas tree and how i got mad at you for it b/c i paid for those ornaments but now i laugh at it...the paintballs all over the walls...doing the dumb things in ur BMW like on Echo lake road when we spun the car and hit the guard rail lol...that was scary but fun as hell...going up to Hawks nest to spray paint the road...what about when u tried teaching me how to snowboard and i fell off the lift trying to get off of it and u fell on me b/c you tripped over me lol...just dumb things like that are the best memories I have...I wish there could be memories of you in the future but i only have the ones from the past...they will always stay with me...just as u will always be with me...in my heart and mind...I miss you Mike...I promise you that I will keep contacting grandma and keep checking up on everyone...keep watching over us and shining down on us and hopefully one day i'll will see you again...RIP buddy... Close

One Year since losing you...  / Grandma
Oh my beautiful angel, it is so hard to believe it has been as year. One of the saddest years of my life. We had a very speical Memorial Service yesterday, on the 23rd.. Family and friends came and my friend Penny conducted a Memorial Service, it was beautiful and touched us all. After the service some of us spoke of you, Joe,Stacey,Your Mom and me. It brought a large group of loved ones even closer. Then it was time to release the balloons and to  put our letters and pictures into the Memory Time Capsule that would be buried along side of you. We all took turns filling in the ground. Then we all came back to our house. Joe's and Jenna's baby is beautiful. They will keep in touch and stop by over the holidays. Joe said the baby was going to be a baby beatle for halloween, I hope they stop by so that I can see her. Kristen is expecting again and is due Jaunuary 4th. 2008. Since it is her second maybe it will be a Christmas baby. I hope so. I am going to give her a baby shower. I told your friends that I want them in our lives. I will keep an eye on them all for you. Gay Mike is well in Florida and we keep in touch by text and phone call. Jesse is having a very hard time, but we are very close, and spend lot's of time together. As for your family, just one day at a time. I love you Mike so very much.
                       Your Grandmother Close

The worst day of my life  / Nikki (Sister)

Last night I didn't sleep Because I didn't want to remember waking up last year today. It was the worst morning I ever had right when I was getting Gabby up we had to go to the hospital and it was the worst car ride we all had. I hate thinking about last year and what happened that day. All of it is still so clear and it makes it that much harder.... Today I'm angry because I know that this is only the first year of many that Im going to have to live on without you and it just doesnt seem right. I never in a million years wouldve guessed I would have to see your funeral when we were so young.... Its not fair Mike and Ill never understand why you were taken away. Ill never accept that you arent coming back. Tonight I will be with your, and now mine, friends and we will be remembering you and laughing about the dumb things and crying because of the love we have for you.... I just wish that I didnt have to go through this again I cant go through this again.... todays a little easier only for the fact that I dont have to go through seeing you like I had to see you last year.... Please keep everyone ok today and I love you so much... I need you I really just need you right now.... I cant even think about today without breaking down..... I miss you

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One year and it still feels like only yesterday.  / Aunt Jennie
Michael, today is the one year anniversary of you leaving us and the pain is as raw as it was that day. I remember I was in my apartment and I heard Grandma walk into the kitchen and I thought to myself, it's only 10:30am, she is never up this early, something must be wrong. So I went upstairs to a frantic Grandma who explained to me that you had fallen in the shower and were unconcious and that the paramedics were there. I ran to tell Chad who came back up with me and we sat with Grandma talking about what could have happened. the whole time I kept saying what an ass you were for worrying us and that I was gonna beat you when I saw you. I was convinced that you would be fine, maybe banged up a bit and in the hospital for a day or two but that you would be fine, you were always fine. Then the phone call came and grandma started yelling and I just got up and walked into the family room staring out the window and crying. I could not believe what I was hearing, my beautiful nephew was gone and there was nothing we could do. I then had to call everyone back in the family and tell them the horror that was now a reality. Words can't explain how difficult it was to keep repeating to everyone that you were gone. It was not real, it couldn't be. We rushed over to the hospital and when I walked into the room I was stunned, crippled with pain, seeing you lifeless. I could not believe what I was seeing. You were so full of life and such an important part of our crazy family that there was no way it could be that you would leave us. 
Since that day I have basically blocked out the truth the majority of the time. When I do let the truth in, the tears flow and the pain is so deep. I feel like we all need answers not some medical explanation from the medical examiner but an answer from God why he needed to take you from us. You were so young and full of life, love, drama and dreams. I have always enjoyed watching you grow and change into the man you were and looked forward watching you grow into the husband and father you would have been. I feel cheated and angry and confused. There is no sense I can make of you leaving. I don't want to hear that you are special or needed by God or anyone else, you are needed here!!! 
So many of us were left with things unsaid, why did you have to go so fast, without warning? At the very least we should have been given the opportunity to say goodbye and tell you how much we loved you. That is making it even harder for us. We are a great family in many ways and although we may argue, we always have each others backs but we were never a family that said I love you. I regret this since losing you because I loved you sooo much and I can't remember the last time I actually told you or told you how proud I was of you. The only thing I think we can all take out of this tragedy is to change that about us. We now know that we can lose someone in an instant with no warning, something prior to 9/24/06 I think we all thought we were exempt from, but now we know and hopefully it will help us to all cherish each other and be there for one another and let each other know how much we care before it's too late again. 
Although I miss you like crazy and would give anything to have you here with us, I now am left to hope and pray that you are happy and have found peace in your new life. Not a day will pass that you are not in my thoughts and you will forever be in my heart. When you died Mike, you took a piece of every one of us with you and that will never heal for any of us. I find myself looking at the clouds all the time, daydreaming about you, especially when I'm driving, I know not safe but I am always looking for a sign from you. A way to be close to you. I love you angel and life will never be the same. Please watch over our family and all your friends and let us feel the warmth of your smile from above. 
Forever in my heart!!! Close

A year ago today...At this time,  / Stacey (Aunt)
Well Mikey, it was around this time last year, today, that i received the most horrifying phone call of my life! I was told you were in the hospital with head trauma, god we didn't even know what had happened to you. Everything seemed to happen so fast I could barely grasp what was being said to me, we had no idea you were already gone. I ran to my car and with tear filled eyes I drove as fast I could to get to you, needless to say about 10 minutes into my ride I received another phone call telling me you were gone. I didn't want to believe it and my world completely shattered as I was driving to you. When I arrived at the hospital and i saw you in that bed, lifeless but still as handsome as ever, all I could do was cry. I couldn't believe my little nephew had been taken away from the family he loved so very much!! Honestly Michael, Sept 24th 2006 was the worst day of my life. I never thought something like this could ever happen to our family because we always made it through everything, but we won't make it through this. You are a piece of the puzzle that can never be replaced and we are incomplete without you here. The song I put on your page means a lot to me, it reminds me of you as do so many other songs I hear daily. I can sit here and cry (like I am doing) or I can celebrate your life and the memories you left behind. I have taken today off from work in memory of you my beloved nephew, and I will do something beautiful and be thankful for the (almost) 25 years I had with you! God only takes the best!! He needed you and rest assure, I will be with you again when my time comes. Until then, I miss you and love you so very much! Please keep watch over our family today, we need you! Close

Last day I got to see you....  / Nikki (Sister)
A year ago today was the last time I'd ever see you again. And I wish I had known it.... I had just picked up skye from Bill and Julies and I saw you pacing around your parking lot so I turned around n me and Skye said hi ... and of course you were on the phone trying to fix everyone elses problems.... I just wish I wouldve stayed longer or when you texted me to come over and watch a movie that night that I had gone... I hate that we ended up fighting that night and never finishing our conversation because my phone died....I cant help but think that maybe my life would be totally diff if I had just went that maybe theres some tiny chance you wouldnt have taken the medicine and would still be here... i feel so much guilt whenever i think about it and everyone says nothing couldve changed it but theres always that tiny chance that it couldve.... Id give anything to go back and see you again... I still feel like youre going to text me or walk into grandmas sometimes.... and im going thru a lot right now my life is a big mess and i dnt think i have ever been this unhappy before and all i keep wishing is that i had u to talk to n help me figure it out.... today we buried a memory capsule and i could hardly take standing there listening to everyone talk about u... idk mike i havent let it sink in too much i have gabby so shes keeping me busy enough i just am afraid to let it in right now... i remember how much it hurt a year ago n i have a year of pain built up n i cant let it go tomorrow will b one of the hardest days ill have to get thru.... but ill b a dunkin donuts with a candle for u again and letting u kno how much i love u but im so afraid to cry for u because i kno i wont stop..... and now all i can do it ramble on about all this but idk how else to get atleast a little bit out..... I feel so angry at everything im mad that u arent here and im mad that we didnt kno or didnt get any warning .... u were just ripped away from us for no reason ... all i keep asking is y u.... y my only brother u didnt get to have ur business go as far as u wanted it or have ur own family and ur own house... u didnt get to live and it hurts so much to kno that i have to grow up without u ... that me and u will never get to have each others backs and help out when we needed it .... i was ur safety net n u were mine n now what do i do?.... theres so many ppl in my life but none of them are my brother no one is like u.... u could make me laugh no matter how mad or upset i was n u use to make me see the better sides of things n now im alone n i have to deal with the hardest thing i ever had to deal with without u there telling me y its going to b ok..... Im afraid to go to sleep tonight and afraid to wake up tomorrow... i dont want tomorrow to come i dont want to remember waking up and hearing grandma say the something happened to u i dont want to remember getting in the car and driving to the hospital having the feeling that something wasnt right.... i dont want to relive seeing mom and dads faces that told us u were gone... or seeing u lying in the hospital not moving.... not smiling or making a dumb joke.... i dont want to go back to how it felt to have my heart feel like its tearing apart and not knowing how to stop the pain.... it took me so long to be able to put it all away i dont want to remember and have it all come back.....i love u so much mike why'd u have to leave me? today penny talked to me n idk if all of what she said is true but if it is then i dont know if i could ever go back to being full of life u were a big part of my life thats gone now and no one can ever fill that spot.... and i am breaking down inside slowly i am because i cant stop it but my heart cant take anymore half the time when i think about u i can hardly breathe.... its too much mike losing u is unreal to me... all i can do is deny it for as long as possible... when i visit u at the cementary i cant picture u being in the ground i cant think that im standing next to u when i stand up there.... i just cant accept this and i may b repeating myself through out this whole thing but idk i just cant accept that u will never again come back.... or that one day im going to have to explain to gabby what happened to her uncle mike.... the dream i had the other night that u were in made me think u were saying that ull b there to hold my hand and help me no matter what but i need u in person everyone says ull b here in spirit and in our hearts but that doesnt help me.... my heart is just so broken that nothing will b able to ever fully fix it and hearing ppl say that just makes things worse.... i need u mike but i need u here with all of us.... i still dont understand why you had to leave y our family deserved to lose you why mom had to go through the pain of losing someone else so close to her.... or why the girls had to lose u when they are so young.... or y gabby never got to really kno who u are and spend time with u now when she can walk n run n talk..... i dont know mike i guess ill just never understand and its hard to think that i will never know why and it will always be a big question that i can never answer...if i keep writing ill just be rambling the same thing over and over so i think im done... i just want u to know that i love you and i need you and theres nothing i wouldnt do to see you again..... 


i love you mike i know we didnt say it much because we were brother and sister and we mostly made fun of each other but I really love you and i wish i did tell you that more......


<33 Nikki.......

Just please help everyone get through tomorrow especially mom and the girls ..... and Jesse because I know hes having a really hard time too Close

A year ago  / Gay Mike (friend/exroommate)


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TO my dearest Micahel..This is for you...  / Tara
We once were one and everything we did was fun
I knew that someday those feelings would end,
But who would guess you would become such a great friend.

So many memories of you flood my mind each day,
From gluing your lips shut to the funny things you
Would say.

I remember the good and also the bad,
I remember everything that we once had.
I know some don’t understand though,
But that’s on them, and only we know.

Remember that fire we had in the woods?
The voicemails, the text messages, and
Dunkin too. The football games, the broken
Bones and all the laughs we shared,
The nights that turned into mornings and
All those friends we shared.

Each teardrop that falls is from a memory
We shared, and each time I think of you
A smile I do bear.

I miss you more then I could ever show
For even though your gone,
My memories still grow.
I know your there for me even up
Above, and I’m sure you get
All those balloons I send as I am
Sending them with love.

Michael I wish I could see your face again,
But I know that a year ago was the very end.

Michael I’m asking with everything I have
That you continue to watch over us, and
Hold each one of our hands.
Show us some sign that everything is okay
And let us know you love us each and every day.
You never would have guessed when you
Were here with us just how much we cared,
It was like you were in denial
And now you see,
That you mean so much to everyone
Especially to me!
I’ll miss you forever and in my heart you will live.
Your name is not a memory but a flame
Within
I have a memory of you that will never pass away,
Although you have gone to heaven and I wish
That you could stay.
I know god called you home and I will forever miss
But until the day we meet again,
You can still call me sis.


I miss you so much Michael!!!!!!!!
Rest in peace!


LOVE ALWAYS,

TEE Close